Living THE BIG LIE out of Spite

Life is full of strange ironies. Like how my work ethic once saved the shop foremans job. But that's the price of business. You grow so comfortable in your own lies that the truth starts to feel uncomfortably cheap, so you raise the lies to such unrealistic heights to ignore the truth that all it does it give insights into your inner workings. I call this THE BIG LIE.

And I had the chance once at taking over the shop foremans job. He was slacking hard. Bragging about all the money his dad gifted him and how he was cutting back hours to dodge being in a higher tax bracket. And when he did show up, it was to pick up materials at the store then mostly just moped around or tried goading me into a political debate. I wanted to tell him it was inappropiate but that would have made the situation worse.

Truth is, while I'm driven by my love of writing, he's driven by hate. He's a hateful person: both racist and politically biased. So too disagree or even make a hard stance against him in any way, shape or form only fuels his spite. 

So I don't blame him when he tried to use me as work equipment the day my manager threw me under the bus. He was afraid for his job. And even though he hates his job and his life, he wasnt going to give up the identity he neglected to someone who showed up on time everyday, did his best to leave his baggage at the door while he put his best foot forward, and was willing to make sacrifices on behalf of the company. 

Unfortunately liars reward lies until they can no longer afford that comfort. And I'm not saying I'm not accountable for the way my bosses treated me at that job. I had an oppertunity, did what I could with it and turns out I excelled at it. 

And there lies the problem. I chose truth before the lie and got punished for it. I am accountable for that. However I will not take responsibility for the way the manager and foreman treated me like their personal shop equipment without consideration for how that would affect my quality of life moving forward. I am a human being, just like everyone else, not a chess piece. That is an issue that they need work out for themselves. Because I'm not accountable for anyone elses actions regardless of what I say and think within reason. If you attack me unprovoked, thats a you problem, not me. 

Sadly, because the manager was family with the owners, I had to swallow those losses before the manager pushed me to the breaking point.

Like the shop foreman, he let his spite towards me go unchecked. He wanted to set me up to look incompetent to the owners but also have me take on more of his job roles. It would have lead to a whole list of problems, causing strains between business and family obligations. So I quit and the shop foreman reaped the benefits. But that's the price of business when you work for the big lie. The big lie grows strong until it becomes so hollowed out, like a house of cards, it all comes crashing down. 

My Writing Journey

I always wanted to be a writer. Even as a boy, I had a hunger to read at an early age. I remember my mom reading me a kids book and me getting so bored, I asked her to start reading me Charles Dickens which she never did. 

A decade later, while a freshman at fifteen, I read my first book on how to write screenplays. I was inspired (like everyone else) by Tarintino's film, Pulp Fiction. So I wrote my first screenplay. 

I laugh at it now. It was basically Pulp Fiction but it took place in Miami, Florida. The main characters name was Vincent Vegas and the working title for the script was Miami Vice. I thought I was sitting on Hollywood gold with big aspirations to start raking in the Oscars. 

That of course is not how things panned out and I'm grateful for being given the oppertunity to be forced to find meaning in areas of life otherwise neglected. 

We live in a world where we crank up the pressure to just its breaking point and call it progress. But all it does is shovel more coal in the hungry mouth of the beast; and it shows in peoples work. So I start to see a growing value in the slow burn. Life's too precious to plow full speed ahead until you blow a gasket. I prefer the slow burn, the journey just as much as the destination. Because the process behind the recipe is just as important. 

My Mission as a Writer

My mission as a writer is resiliance. I don't have an easy life but I do have an ability to cope with it. And more importantly, I have the ability to help others cope with emotional pain and find depth from their situations. This is the hidden drive behind my writings. I want to reach out to people and help them with their inner healing so they start doing the self work needed to help overcome those negative emotions that bog us all down. And no I'm not perfect but I am resiliant, and that's far more obtainable then perfection, so maybe, just maybe, I have a trick or two up my sleeve that can help.