They bury my grandma today next to my grandfather at the national cemetery. My dads gone and now both my grandparents. My aunt is the only one left and it saddens me deeply. I was very close to my fathers side of my family. Knowing I will never walk into their house again is a great loss. But I know everything I need to overcome this grief and build myself up into a better version of myself was taught to me by them.
My grandparents were two of the most beautiful people to ever walk this earth. My grandfather lived a hard life. He had every reason to be bitter but found meaning in his tribulations.
He grew up in absolute poverty. His mother died at around the age of eight. His father had mental health issues and eventually abandoned his eight kids on the family farm. His oldest siblings had to step up big. But they managed and all of them lived rich lives as a result.
His older brother was a German translator under Patton in North Africa. He didn’t work directly under Patton but was a few chains of command removed.
His older sister wrote a book on nursing. She later married a nuclear physicist who died young from radiation poisoning. She never remarried but instead travelled the world.
And my grandfather became a mechanical engineer before the Korean War. But he didn’t care for the militaries style of leadership. And after the war, while working as a draftsman on planes for a civilian hanger, decided to become a minister.
It was then that he met my grandmother and future wife. Both were career driven and neither married until well into their thirties. My grandmother a nurse, my grandfather a spiritual healer; both were driven to help others heal. It was the bond that cemented their love for one another. But even after all the tragedy that was my grandfathers childhood, his adult life was equally filled with heartache.
They waited to long too start a family. So they adopted my dad and not long after, my grandmother was pregnant with a boy. But that boy was born with down syndrome and died very young. It left a deep scar on all three if their hearts.
My father learned on his own about his adoption while snooping through their bedroom. It left him with deep trust issues and a sense of not belonging that spiraled into drug abuse that lead to an early death.
And I know my grandfather felt that he failed my father. But my grandfather went blindly into fatherhood. My dad was a troubled child and I know my grandfather did everything in his power to become the father he never had. The father he always dreamt of having. And even after all of that, my father had a will of his own. If it wasn’t my uncles passing then something else might have trigged his path.
Regardless of the outcomes, we can only control what we can control. And I never blamed my grandfather for the path my father chose. The best of my own father was when he was living in the light of my grandfathers leadership. And my grandpa was over six foot seven in his prime. Those are big shoes to fill. His hands like bear maws. Those were a different breed of men.
But despite all of the what could have been, my grandparents forged an everlasting bond over the death of their son. They later adopted my aunt and made the best of their situation.
And most importantly, used their grief to help others heal from their own. It became their life work. It kept them together and kept them going.
My grandfather would have handled that loss better. But he couldn’t handle others taking pity on him. He would have had to keep his mind from wondering by travelling around, meeting new people and shedding his wisdom. But it would have only been a matter of time before his turn was next.
Unfortunately, my grandpa died last year after a nasty fall. But he out lived all his siblings in age. And a year afterwards, my grandma too was ready to go.
Over this weekend, my aunt read a letter my grandfather wrote my grandmother for mothers day. I heard the voice of a complete man and human being.
And while their funerals were small in attendance. They touched more lives over the decades then that could have ever filled that church. They would have wanted it this way. Because they weren’t driven by money, power, or influence. What drove them was Gods work and now their work is complete.
Gods speed Grandma. You will always be loved. Not a year will go by that I won’t live in the footsteps of their guidance. They were the wealthiest people I have ever known.
